Is it ADHD or Are We Financially Incompatible?

This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re getting properly real about money, impulsivity, and what it’s like when two people are trying to build a life together… but their brains (and spending habits) are on completely different settings.

Episode title says it all: Is it ADHD or are we financially incompatible?

This is one of our rawest chats yet. No fluff, no pretending, just truthful relationship talk about ADHD and money — and how it affects the partner who’s trying to keep things steady.

We start by settling last week’s debate (is it mowing the lawn or cutting the grass?) and then Adam shares his recent embarrassing padel situation. Then Adam realises what today’s episode is about… and you can literally hear the panic.

This week we look at money from Donna’s perspective: what it’s like living with someone with ADHD who struggles with spending, impulse decisions, and the stress that comes after the dopamine wears off.

Adam finally gives Donna access to the business account (no more sneaky spending), and we talk about joint accounts and transparency — including how it feels when you can both see exactly what the other is spending. It can be helpful… but it can also add pressure, guilt, and “I’m being watched” energy. The profits have definitely gone up since Donna can see what’s happening… funny that.

We also talk about how ADHD can create a Jekyll and Hyde cycle with money: impulsive decisions in the moment, then panic, stress, regret, and low mood afterwards — and how that emotional crash affects the relationship.

And yes… we talk about the most ADHD holiday decision ever: Adam deciding on Thursday night that we’re going on holiday Friday morning for the weekend. The thought process, the chaos, Donna being left packing and sorting everything while starting a new job, and the final cost (spoiler: it was a lot more expensive than expected).

Then we get into the pattern properly:

• Impulsive hobbies costing money (Donna asked the darts shop if they take Klarna)
• How long the padel craze will last
• Impulsive car buys (and why Donna insists on bringing up the past)
• Adam’s obsession with Facebook Marketplace (are we becoming a crew van family?)
• Adam’s embarrassing confession that comes out of that obsession… and whether Donna finds it cute

We talk about the “shiny things” problem, the “no pockets in a shroud” mindset, and the downside people don’t talk about enough: the low mood after spending, the consequences, and the relationship tension that follows.

We also ask the big question: has it got better since medication started? We talk financial planning, knowing what’s happening, and how much difference it makes when you’re not guessing.

Then we get to the bottom of what really happened in a conversation about money yesterday:

• Who is right?
• Should Donna buy new pants?
• Are we both all-or-nothing?
• Why do we spend money on experiences but hate spending on necessities?
• Is that ADHD, or just modern life?
• Do all the little expenses build up until you feel like you’re drowning?

We talk recent impulsive spends (anyone want to buy lapel mics?), Donna’s possible Amazon parcel problem, and the dopamine hunting that sits underneath so much of it.

Good, Bad & Ugly this week includes:

• Communication and money in relationships
• Earning differences and how that changes the dynamic
• Candy Crush coins (yes, really)

Monzo joint account link (yes this is real):

https://join.monzo.com/c/4w6zqv8

Watch this episode on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/RYZqL4avGmE

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